SMASH Mayhem!
by Kafata
Summary: Why is K so intent in ruining the poor Smasher's lives? How will the Smashers save their worlds? R & R. No flames, please. Not that a serious flamer would care if I said that...
1. The Reunion

**This is my first story, please: NO flames!!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**K: That's right**

**CHAPTER 1: The reunion**

One bright sunny morning, all the Smashers that were in the first game were in their respective worlds. Jigglypuff was messing around, making every single creature in Kanto asleep. Pikachu was enjoying a nice nap, "courtesy" of Jigglypuff. Captain Falcon was still doing his pointless races, and Kirb---

Captain Falcon: THEY ARE NOT POINTLESS!!!

K: Who's writing the story wise guy, you or me?

C. Falcon: Well, uh…Yo' Momma!

K: What did you say about my momma? (Lighting Flashes, Loud Thunder is Heard)

C. Falcon (small voice): Nothing.

K: That's right.

As I was saying… Kirby was… doing whatever bubble-gum looking vacuum cleaners do. Samus was still fighting the Metroid, and Ness was in Onett, on a candy-eating spree. Link was saving Zelda from whatever legend he was trapped in at that time. The Mario Bros. were saving Princess Peach for the seemingly twentieth time. Fox was saving the galaxy again. Yoshi was having lots and lots of eggs. Donkey Kong was eating his secret stash of… bananas…

Suddenly, they all appeared inside a small, classroom. By small, I don't mean relatively, I mean literally. There was only space for 6 desks and a small table. Needless to say, they were crowded. _Very_ crowded.

Mario: Peeaacccch!!! Huh? Where-a the heck am I?

Luigi: I have a-no idea.

Samus: Diiiie, Metroid!!!!

Ness: _Ilovecandy,candymakesmehyper!Doyoulovecandy?Ilovecandy!!!!DidIevertellyouhow muchIlovecandy?_

C. Falcon: I wiiin again!!!! WOOOT!

Yoshi: I love eggs!!!!

DK: Oh, bananas, you are the love of my life!!!

Pikachu: ZZZZ (Loud Snoring) ZZZZZ

Fox: Take that!

Link: Arrgh! Why do I get the game with all the puzzles? My brain hurts!

Kirby: …

Jigglypuff: Jigga-Jigglypuff, Jigga……

Everyone instantly falls asleep.

Five hours later, in a classroom with 12 desks, they are all sitting in a desk. Fox is the only one awake, except for Jigglypuff, but it (she?) doesn't count.

Fox: What happened?

**A/N: Indeed, what did happen? I won't update until I get at least two reviews! By two different people…**


	2. Why Are We Here?

**Fox: K, who is obviously Kafata, the au-**

**K: SHHHHH!**

**Fox: Ok, chill I won't tell. (It's not like it's a secret…)**

**K owns nothing.**

**A/N: I will now put names in bold. Next chapter, Kirby and Pikachu will talk in English. So those of you who get tired of the translations can be happy! **

**CHAPTER 2: The Reason**

Fox quickly gagged Jigglypuff to keep her from singing her infamous sleep-song. He then proceeded to wake everyone up. Except Falcon, who creeped him out.

**Pikachu**: Pika Pi-Ka-chu! (Not you guys again, no offense)

**Link**: Although I don't miss the puzzles which hurt my brain, we weren't supposed to fight again, until Brawl.

**Yoshi**: Well, we're here anyways.

**Mario:** Which-a means Master Hand isn't behind this.

**Luigi**: How do you a-know for sure?

**DK:** My bananas!!!

**Everyone** (except Falcon, who is snoring): …….

**Kirby**: ………... (Anyways, Luigi, we're here for another reason. If we were here because of Master Hand, we would be fighting those annoying Polygons.)

**Samus**: Or even worse, those rails we met in Melee.

**Fox**: Hey, talking about Melee, why didn't the others come?

**Luigi:** A-well, a-Peach was abducted by Bowser.

**Mario**: What does abducted a-mean?

**Kirby**: ……….. (Well it means:

1: To draw or spread away (as a limb or the fingers) from a position near or parallel to the median axis of the body or from the axis of a limb

2: To seize and take away (as a person) by force.

Everyone: …….

**Pikachu**: Pika-chu? (How in the name of Ash did you know that?)

**Kirby**: ……. (Well, I once ate a dictionary)

**Link**: Why?!?!

**Kirby**: ………... (Let's not go there. Let's just say it involves MetaKnight, King DeDeDee an evil cupcake and dancing ninjas…)

**Samus**: Aaaaaanyways, what Luigi means is that if Bowser kidnapped Peach, that gives an excuse for both of them not to be here.

**Link**: What about Roy and Marth?

**Pikachu**: Pika-Pika? (How do you remember their names? They are like, the most unimportant characters in the whole game!)

**Link**: We **bonded**.

While they were discussing, Falcon started to wake up.

**C. Falcon**: Where's my baby?

**Samus**: You mean your car?

**C. Falcon**: Of course I mean my car. You, you… freaky helmet-wearing bounty hunter!

**Ness** (The candy had worn off): You're a bounty hunter too.

**Link:** And you've never taken that helmet off.

**C. Falcon**: I've taken it of… I think.

While the Smashers were having their nice little conversation, the villains in their world took the opportunity to take over the worlds!!! Except in Kanto, where Team Rocket was still defeated by Ash, even if he didn't have his signature Pokemon, Pikachu.

So Dreamland became Nightmare land, because King DeDeDee was too strong for MetaKnight. The Metroid took charge of most of Samus' galaxy. Fox lost his galaxy to Venom. Ganondorf finally had a chance to take over everything without Link messing up his plans. So he turned Hyrule into Dorf-Land.

**K**: It is pronounced Dwarf-Land. Repeat after me: Dwa-arf-La-and.

Anyways, Mario's, Luigi's, and Yoshi's Mushroom Kingdom was taken over by Bowser. Of course, Bowser got a little help from a friend…who took over the Beanbean kingdom. And Pico won back all of Captain Falcon's trophies.

Oh, and I almost forgot: DK's world was taken over by that unimportant gator whose name I can't remember.

**K. Rool**: The name's K. Rool, you annoying author!

**K**: Oh, give it a rest crocky!

**K. Rool**: My mommy used to call me crocky!

**K**: Crocky, (breaths heavily) I am your mother!

**K. Rool**: NOooOooOoOOOooOoOO!!!

**A/N: The question of why the Smashers have been summoned hasn't been answered. And how will they take back their worlds? Get the answer to these, and many other questions in the next installment of Smash Mayhem (This is the part where you cheer wildly).**

**P.S.-If you don't like the story, please send me a message saying why, oooor stop reading the story.**

**P.P.S.-If you like the story, please review!!!! Your reviews are VERY, very**** very very very much appreciated!!!**

**P.P.P.S.-If you are reading this, you're not reviewing. REVIEW!!!!**


	3. The Reason

**Pikachu: ****The author owns nothing. Except my future. And my thoughts. And my actions. And my….. AAAAAHHHH!!!!!**

**A/N: I made him do that.**

**CHAPTER 3****: The Reason**

Suddenly, the lights in the room flickered, and the Smashers stopped their bickering.

There was suddenly some creepy mist that came out of nowhere. And then…

There was coughing.

**K**: (coughs) I told Miriam I'm allergic to the stuff! Miriam!

A small woman enters the room, looking frightened.

**Miriam**: Y-Yes Sir?

**K:** I thought I told you not to do the mist!

**Miriam**: Yeah, but I thought it would look more dramatic. I'm sorry sir; I didn't know you were allergic.

**K:** When I tell you something, I do it for a reason!!!!

**Miriam:**But I didn't know! Sorry, sir (starts sobbing uncontrollably.

**K: **You better be. Do you realize you've ruined my dramatic entry! You're fired.

**Miriam:** (Sobs) please forgive me!!!

**K:** Okay, I forgive you. But you're still fired. Now get OUT!

**Miriam-** Leaves room.

**K:** I'm sorry for that little interruption.

**Everyone: **…

**K:**I know what you're thinking, but I'm actually a nice way.

**Jigglypuff:** MHHMMHM!

**K: **Ness, take that tape off her mouth.

**Ness:** Y-Yes S-S-Sir. (Takes off the tape)

**Jigglypuff: **Jiggly-Puff!

**A/N: **Sorry.

**Jigglypuff:** Thank you Ness. (Gives Fox a dirty look).

**Kirby:** So… What's your name?

**Yoshi:** His name is K.

**Link: **How do you know?

**Yoshi: **Try to guess.

**Pikachu:** He can't. All the puzzles fried his brain.

**Link: **That's not true!

**Samus:** Yeah, Pikachu. Besides, if his brain is fried, how would he pass the puzzles?

**Jigglypuff: **What do you think his Fairies are for?

**Ness:** Touché.

**K: **AHEM! Back to _me_…

**Yoshi: **I knew his name because before he speaks his name appears. Such as to us.

**Fox:** Hey, he's right!

**K: **(mumbles) Aren't you wondering who I am?!?!?!?

**Mario-** We're a-more interested in a-being in what a-seems to be a book.

**Luigi:** Yeah, we've a-been in videogames only. A-never in a story.

**K:**First, Mario, it's not a book. It's a FanFic. Second, don't you care that your worlds have been taken over?

**DK:**What?!?!?!

**K:** The villains in your worlds took over the worlds.

**Pikachu:** Are you sure Team Rocket could manage it?

**K:** Oh, yeah. They couldn't because they're too incompetent.

**DK: **So K.Rool took over my bananas?

**K: **How do you remember his name? And anyways, yes he did. He's eating them right now.

**DK:** NOOOoOoooOoOoo!!! This can't be happening! This can't be happening!!!

**K:** Chill! Diddy is ok.

**DK**: Who cares about that stupid monkey? By bananas are in trouble!!!!

**Kirby:** What kind of father are you?

**DK:** No kind, the games never say I'm his dad.

**K:** Why do you all keep changing the conversations? I swear it's giving me a headache.

**READERS **(That's you): Yes, it is.

**K:** Anyways, you've all been summoned because I was bored. You can go back to your worlds now.

**Luigi:** What? You break a-havoc in our world, and you expect us to a-just leave?

**Mario:** Yeah! You better do something!

**Everyone else:** Yeah!

**K:** Okay. I will let you all to visit the others' worlds to help them. And I'll give all of you the ability to call me when you're in deep dodo **once.**

**DK:** Okay, I call you to give me back my bananas!!!

**K:** Are you sure? I mean-

**DK: **Just give me the stupid bananas!

**K:**Just listen to me, will ya?

**DK: ** No! I want my bananas!

**K: **Sigh… Okay.

Suddenly, thousands of banana peels appear.

**DK:** Hey! Where are my bananas?

**K:** I tried to warn you. K.Rool ate them all.

**DK:** Hey, no fair! I want my call back!!!

**K: **Nope. Now stop talking, it's time to end the chapter.

**A/N: ****It will take them a long time to get their worlds back. I plan for it to be at least 10 chapters. I will update when you review. REVIEEEEEWWW!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!**

**If 10 people review before the next chapter, I'll give DK his call back.**** Deal?**


	4. Whose Turn Is It Anyways?

**Kirby: The author does not own me, or anybody else whose life he's ruining in this story. (Basically, everyone else).**

**A/N: That was rude! Anyways, after som****e "enlightening" by some "friends" in a dark alley, I've decided to change from script to normal story form.**

**CHAPTER ****4: Whose turn is it anyways?**

"Ok, since only one person reviewed," the handsome K stated "DK does NOT get his call back.

"Curse you, non-reviewers!" DK yelled at the top of his lungs.

Kirby, ignoring DK completely asks "So, whose world do we go to first?"

"Since I'm Nintendo's a-poster boy, Mushroom and Beanbean a-kingdom should be our a-first stop." Said Mario.

"A-Mushroom kingdom a-sounds like a good idea" agreed Luigi

"I think it's a good idea, too!" said Yoshi

"Well, we don't!" replied everyone else.

"Let's go to Dreamland," suggested Kirby "so that when we sleep, we don't have nightmares"

"No! Let's go to Kongo Jungle to avenge my bananas!" said (who else could it be?) Donkey Kong.

"I say Hyrule" yelled Link.

"No, Dreamland!" Kirby yelled back.

"Hyrule!"

"Dreamland!"

"Hyrule!"

"Dreamland!"

"Hyrule!"

"Dreamland!"

"Stop acting like little kids" the exasperated (big, fancy word for tired) K said. "No offense, Ness"

"But I am a little kid!" objected Kirby.

"Don't talk back to me!" yelled K.

"So… where are we going?" said Samus

Everybody started fighting again.

"Silence!" yelled K "since you all seem to like fighting, we'll have a Team fight. If you belong to the same world, you're in the same team."

"That's not fair!" yelled Ness "Jigglypuff and Pikachu have an advantage over all of us"

"And Mario, Luigi and Yoshi have an advantage over US" said Jigglypuff and Pikachu at the same time.

"I don't care" K replied "If you can't deal with it, I DON'T CARE! Now, you all should have a good night's sleep, tomorrow is the day for the big fight."

"But--"Kirby started to say

"I don't care!!!" interrupted K.

Kirby just sighed, mumbled something and made his desk comfortable. Ness said something about somebody named Jeff, and Captain Falcon went to sleep on the floor. Everybody else was too nervous about the next day's fight.

**A/N: ****Ok, review to vote. If you want the Mario Bros. and Yoshi to win, write their names. If you want Link to win, write his name in a review. Do the same for everyone else. If nobody reviews, or in case of a tie, I'll choose the winner(s).**

**P.S.- If you don't like the new format, send me a message, or writ****e a comment. If I get at least five, I'll change it back to script form.**

**P.P.S.- Review! Now! Pleeeeease!**


	5. The Night Before Tomorrow

**K: ****since everyone is sleep, I will do the Disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer:**** K does not own anybody in this story, except K or any other character who he specifically says belongs to him.**

**CHAPTER ****5: The Night Before Tomorrow**

That night, everybody had nightmares. Why? DREAM Land turned to NIGHTMARE Land. This meant everybody would dream their worst fear. In the next paragraphs I will amuse you with their suffering.

In his dream, Captain Falcon was being tortured by a machine. Actually, make that two machines. One was pinning C. Falcon against the wall while the other robot stood next to an assembly line. The assembly line was full of cars, and they all looked like Captain Falcon's car. The second robot destroyed one by one, using "creative" methods. Such as melting, or crushing them. All the while, Falcon screamed, or cried, or shook uncontrollably every time a car got destroyed. "MY BABY!!!" He kept screaming, over and over…

Pikachu's dream wasn't the kind of dream a normal Pokemon has. Then again, Pikachu isn't that normal… In Pikachu's dream, Ash captured him in a Pokeball and the poor Pokemon couldn't get out. He felt trapped… Suddenly, he was free! He saw the sunlight, smelled the fresh grass, saw two beauty-flies… [I'm sorry; I can't say what they were doing, as I'm trying to keep this story K+, not MA. Anyways, he was enjoying being outside when suddenly; he was back in the Pokeball. All cramped up. "NOOOOOO!" he yelled.

Jigglypuff's dream was also unique, but in a different way. In it, she couldn't break havoc. Whenever she sang, it sounded funny and instead of sleeping, people just laughed. And laughed, and laughed… "Whhhhyyyyyyy ME?!!!" she cried to the heavens.

A mere two desks away, Samus was having a dream she'd had ever since she'd seen the 'batteries not included' in her power suit, which had come with the battery case jammed. Luckily for her, it had batteries inside. But they were Alkaline. In her night-mare, the suit ran out of batteries. In the middle of a boss fight. As if that wasn't enough, the boss was the Energizer bunny, who kept mocking her for not buying Energizer batteries. The bunny laughed. And laughed, and laughed… He didn't stop laughing; he 'just kept going'.

Fox was dreaming about eating ice cream. Andross (major villain) was forcibly feeding Fox ice cream. Not even I know why it scared Fox, but it--- "Ah, another Brain Freeze" screamed Fox, clearly in pain. Oh… So that's why! I need to take note o that…

In Link's nightmare, Zelda joined Ganondorf way back in Ocarina of Time and they both ruled Hyrule with an iron fist.

In Yoshi's nightmare, cannibalism happened. He had just eaten at an all-you-can swallow Goomba buffet. He was really happy. So happy in fact, that he laid some eggs. 123 eggs in fact, beating his previous record by 12 eggs. "Yoshi!" he cheered. Suddenly, yellow Yoshi stole half of his eggs. And… and… OH! It's too horrible to write… Yellow Yoshi…ate scrambled Yoshi eggs. The Horror!

Ness just used his psychic powers to resist the darkness, and actually had a good dream. In it, he was stranded in Candy Land, but I think it best for your sanity, I not mention what happened in it.

Mario and Luigi had the same dream. In it Bowser kidnapped Peach (In Luigi's version it was Daisy), and took her to a machine-protected fortress. They had now way to beat Bowser. So Bowser took control over everything. He even outlawed pasta! Whoa! That's an exact description of the Mushroom's kingdom condition! Mario and Luigi screamed"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Kirby? He used to control DreamLand! He just used his powerful power of power-cuteness to turn the Darkness in his dream to light. Just like Ness, he had good dreams.

And now, the character whose dream you've waiting for… Give it up for (drum roll, please) DONKEY KONG!!! In the tie wearing monkey's dream, Diddy and Dixie were eating his bananas with K. Rool. And he ran toward them, but everytime he got close to them, one of them would throw a banana. DK would slip and have to begin his run all over again. "Bananas!" he mumbled in his sleep. "BAAAAAAAAAAANAS!!!!" He screamed in his dream.

**A/N: ****Poor Donkey. Who will win the next day's fight? And why is Donkey Kong so obsessed with Bananas?**

**Somebody: Maybe because he's a monkey!**** Idiot…**

**A thunderbolt falls down, frying the guy to a crisp.**

**A/N: I've gotten 202 hits on the story and only three thoughtful reviews. (Thanks to those who reviewed) If nobody reviews, it's obviously because they don't like the story. So…Review, whether you like the story or not! If nobody reviews, I'll have Pikachu or Link, or anyone else to tell obnoxious, senseless, bad 'Your Momma' jokes.**


	6. Battle Day

**Mario: The author a-does not yawn own anything except the plot and our yawn lack of sleep.**

**K: I don't care if you're sleepy. Drink s****ome coffee, today's battle day!**

**Mario: yawn Yessir! (snore)**

**CHAPTER ****6: Battle Day**

It was a bright sunny day, just like the day I started ruining their lives. There was just one small cloud in the sky. There was a pleasant breeze coming in. The birds were singing and everybody was happy.

Well, not really. The birds weren't singing, they were rehearsing for the Court, where they would sue me and Kirby for the loss of their sleep. And only Ness, Kirby, and I and were happy. That was a lie too. I was broke and since the lack of sleep **was** my fault, I was in a lousy mood. To top it off, I had been affected by the nightmares too. In **my **nightmare, only three people reviewed in the story! (Hint! Hint! Hint!)

Aaaaaanyways, everybody except Ness and Kirby were sleepy. Conversation was very strained, and to make it worse, Miriam usually made coffee, and if you read chapter number 3, you'd know I fired her. So we were sleepy and without coffee. Not good. Not good at all.

At exactly 12:00, I started the fight. It was in Yoshi's Island. The level from the first Smash game. To those who haven't played it, it looks more or less like this:

25ft. wide floor. Two mirror walkways on the left and right side. And in the middle, way up high is a small platform. To the left and right, there are little floating clouds that disappear if you stay on them for too long.

Every Smasher appeared at the stage.Since Kirby and Ness were the only ones who had gotten any sleep, they got handicapped. The handicap? No shielding **or** jumping.

That made it a lot harder, since Ness needs shielding to get life, and Kirby's best attacks mostly involve some kind of jumping. The handicap seemed fair. Then everybody was quiet as the announcer's voice came on. **THREE… TWO… ONE…GO!**

DK immediately started charging up his punch, while Samus charged her super-blast. Thank God her power-suit's batteries still worked! Pikachu got eaten by Kirby, and Ness grabbed and threw Yoshi. C. Falcon did his Falcon Punch, hitting the flying Yoshi **and **Fox. Yoshi went flying off the screen. Unluckily, he was thrown towards Samus, who super-blasted his dino-butt to the right of the screen. He managed to fall on a cloud, where there was a life heart. Since he had about 63 damage already, he ate it, forgetting the disappearing cloud thing, and falling. **PLAYER 8** **DEFEATED**.

Falcon sneaked up behind DK, but his drowsiness made him fall off the platform, to the arms of Pikachu, who called forth thunder from the heavens to hit Falcon. To show his gratitude, DK tried to hit Pikachu with his super punch, but Pikachu was too fast, he teleported to the cloud on the left and waited. When Ness tried to follow him, he forgot about the handicap. Instead of jumping, he started to fall. So he quickly used his black energy-ball, and tried to hit himself (to those who haven't played SSM, this would send him flying, almost like a jump). But DK got in the way. He got hurt, but Ness just fell. Since he couldn't do anything, he just gave Kirby instructions, very detailed instructions on how to win the fight (via mind-speak 3.0.2); on the condition he would take them to Onett after visiting Dreamland. Kirby agreed, and immediately went into action. He used Pikachu's thunder, which Fox deflected, hitting DK, who thought Pikachu had hit him. He grabbed Pikachu and threw him, right into Kirby who kicked him out of the screen.** PLAYER 11** **DEFEATED**.

He threw away Pikachu's thunder power, and then he ate Captain Falcon. Then he sneaked behind Jigglypuff and hit her with a Falcon Punch. Jigglypuff almost flew out of the screen. When she came back, she hit C. Falcon. C. Falcon shielded, but Jigglypuff hit him so much his shield broke, and he went dizzy. She then grabbed him and threw him in the air. She jumped and hit him in the air. She ran to the left and started singing, when he fell, he was asleep. Jigglypuff punched him, sending him right into Fox. Fox jumped out of the way, and Falcon kept going, going, going… And he was gone! **PLAYER 6 DEFEATED**.

Fox noticed what was going on, so he tried to sneak up behind him, just as Ness had told Kirby he would. Kirby was ready. He threw away the Falcon Punch power, quickly turned around and ate Fox. Then he shot him. And shot him again. And again, and again, and again… After 5 minutes, Fox was at the corner of the screen. Kirby just stopped firing and Fox fell, just like Yoshi and Ness. He jumped, and then double jumped. He touched the cloud, but couldn't hang on to it. He started to fall… **PLAYER 10 DEFEATED.**

Kirby then grabbed Link and threw him. He then ate Luigi (after throwing away Fox's power, of course) and threw Luigi towards Link. Link dodged and hit Luigi with his sword. Luigi fell rapidly to his doom, and he jumped and double jumped, but couldn't reach the ledge. Mario hit him with a fireball and Luigi double jumped again, reaching the ledge. _If you've played SSM, you'd know that after getting hit, you can double-jump again._ Then he climbed and kicked Kirby. Mario punched Kirby. DK burped. Kirby went sailing in the air… This turned out to be a mistake, as Kirby turned into a rock and fell on both of them, sending them to the two corners of the screen. **PLAYERS 1 AND 2 DEFEATED.**

Samus and Link then decided to gang up on Kirby, which was a bad idea. Since Ness had told Kirby about _their__** nightmares. **_Kirby threw an Energizer bunny doll at Samus and told Link Ganondorf was in cahoots with Zelda. Link just broke down, ripe for the picking. Kirby quickly kicked him. Samus, on the other hand, was lucky. Her panic had made the suit accidentally sent a small bolt of lightning, which fried the doll to a crisp. She then threw Kirby towards Link, who hit him. Kirby went flying to Samus, but instead of being kicked, he hit her. Hard. She went flying off the screen. **PLAYER 5 DEFEATED.**

Link was still crying, and didn't even try to survive. Kirby gloated, telling him it was all a lie. Link then became **very** mad, and jumped. The time was almost up. He fell. **THREE, TWO, PL–ONE-AYER 4 DEFEATED. TIME UP!**

Kirby then started to cheer. But was interrupted by DK's hooting. The monkey! He'd forgotten about the monkey! Oh no! Ness hadn't told him what to do in case of sudden death! The game went into sudden death. DK came up to Kirby and punched him. Kirby shielded and failed. The handicap! He cursed his memory and lack of improvisation.** PLAYER 9 DEFEATED. **

Donkey Kong won. After Ness had scolded Kirby, and had left him in tears, K made everyone fall asleep. K made plans for the jungle-trip.

**A/N: ****I apologize if the fight offended or, or if it wasn't well-written. I don't consider myself good at describing violence (Even though I try my best).**


	7. Divided We Stand

**K: I was told something yesterday and I agree. The Disclaimers aren't **_**really **_**necessary. I mean, come on! What sort of mindless-**_**goop**_** would think I'm the owner of the Mario Bros. or Kirby? But, I will still tell them, they're fun to write.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not anything in this story except for K and Miriam, or anyone I specify later on.**

**CHAPTER ****7: Divided We Stand**

It was the next day. Everyone was awake, and since their sleep had been because of drugs, it had been dreamless. This meant their sleep had been night-mare-less. Isn't K a genius?

"No" Ness interrupted "You stole the idea from a fanfic by SuperGh---."

"Silence, fool" said K "I'll give you some candy if you don't mention it.

"As long as the candy is good" replied Ness

"Deal" then they promptly shook hands.

"Yawn, a-who won the fight?" asked Mario

"Not us" answered Luigi

"Don't be so cranky, Luigi" said Kirby "You should be happy you got any sleep"

"Yeah, but I want a-coffee!!!"

"Me too!" said Yoshi

"And me" Said Fox

"Not me, I'm not allowed to eat coffee" said Ness "It makes me more hyper than candy"

"Wow, is that even possible?" asked Link

"I don't know, but I don't wanna find out" Said K "We should keep him away from coffee, or any cacao beans, as candy is made from it"

"I'm afraid that's impossible" said DK "Kongo Jungle's biggest crops are cacao beans, and coffee berries, which for some reason it grows all year long"

"Oh, fu--."

"Watch your mouth" warned K "or I'll change your words to bleeps from now on"

"Sorry" replied a now-red plumber with a hat to match

"Isn't the biggest crop bananas?" asked Fox

"Are you insane?" yelled DK "There are only a few bananas made each decade, our bananas are special. How? You'll see soon enough."

There was a sudden flash of light, and then darkness. And there was silence. They called out to each other, but heard nothing, not even their voices. They saw evil-looking ovals and circles in the darkness, and they seemed to be staring at them. They all shuddered, and Ness and Kirby almost got traumatized. Then they saw ketchup. Coming closer, they saw it wasn't ketchup, it was too dark, and wasn't as dense as ketchup. It was oozing slowly, and it came from…OH MY GOD! How did that get past the filters?

"Miriam!!!" K yelled "Get in here; you've got something to answer for!!!"

"…"

"Um…" Link ventured "Didn't you fire her way back in Chapter 2?"

"Chapter 3" corrected C. Falcon

"Same difference" replied Link

"You're right Link" said K "And yes, it was in Chapter 3 C. Falcon"

"Who was in charge of the filters?" asked Ness?

"Miriam"

"And because you fired her, nobody is in charge of the filters" said Ness

"Oh no" said K "The filters not only block profanity [which explains why Mario almost swore and things which may traumatize small children, it also blocks out stupidity, and other things which may make this story either funnier, or more annoying"

"Sounds a-risky" said Luigi "Isn't there a way to a-stop it?"

"Yes" said K "But since I used a lot of my power in bringing you people together, I can only block the scary things out, not profanity, _or_ stupidness"

"Wow, now you're ripping off ideas from _The Schizophrenic_" said Ness "I'll bet all my Halloween candy the stupid things would fit quite nicely in "_The Ridiculator"_

**A/N: Good story, by the way**

"_Neeeessss"_ K said in a singsongy voice "Do you want more candy?"

"Yes, K" said Ness "I'm sorry people, all that you just heard from me was a lie! And K never bribed me, okay?"

"COULD YOU STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS STORY LONGER AND GET ON WITH IT?"

Anyways, the smashers and K landed in Kongo Jungle. They immediately took Kirby and Ness to a psychiatrist, to help them forget… (Shudders) …_that_. After the short visit, Kirby, while sucking a lollipop, asked where to begin their adventure.

"In K. Rool's fortress, you little cheese-puff" replied Jigglypuff not so kindly

"Actually, that may not be such a good idea" said Pikachu "It's probably heavily guarded"

"So what do you propose we do?" replied a very angry Jigglypuff

"What about a-rescuing Diddy and Dixie?" said Mario

"Yeah, I'm a-looking forward to seeing Diddy" said Luigi "Him a-going to be on Brawl, and all"

"All right, it's decided then" said Fox "we'll go look for them

"Yes, but we must split up, Kongo Jungle is _huge_, it'd take us years to find them if we're together" said K "We'll divide ourselves into four groups of three"

"Mario, Luigi and I will be on one group" said Yoshi

"Link, Samus and _me_, will be on another group" said C. Falcon

"Ness, Kirby and Pikachu should be on the other group" said Jigglypuff

"And Jiggly, DK and I will be the last group" finished Fox

"A-Why do I have the feeling we a-forgot somebody?" asked Luigi

"Maybe, just maybe" said K "It's because you _did_ forget somebody"

"Oops, my bad"

"That's okay"

"So what are you going into?"

"Obviously, he's going into my group" Said Ness

"No, he's going to my group" said DK "This is my world"

"True" Said Mario "A-not true but not fair"

"It _is _fair_"_

"_Is not"_

"_Is too"_

"_Is not"_

"_Is too"_

"_Is not"_

"_Is too"_

"SHUT UP!!!" Said K "I'll go with DK, unless he lets me do something different. If he does, I'll give him his wish back. That is, if he agrees"

Suddenly, Howie Mandell appeared [If you don't know who he is, Google him. Now. The next line won't make any sense if you don't

"So DK, what will it be?" Howie said "Deal, or No Deal?"

"Ummm…"said DK as the jeopardy theme song came on "I don't know!"

"Come on, Donkey K, decide"

"Okay, I want…" said DK "My wish"

As Howie Mandell disappeared into Bobby-Land in a puff of smoke, they all started arguing about who K should go with. Then, to stop the argument, K made a giant knife appear and cut him into four parts. I won't describe it, as the filter is working now. But then, each part grew a whole K. After some time, there were four exact Ks standing there.

"How did you do that?" asked C. Falcon

"Easy, you forget I have the force with me" said K "That, rubber ducky power and my author-powers"

"Anyways, each 'me' will go with each of your groups. Ready?" K asked "Good. Let the journey begin."

"Here is the list of the groups:

**No****rth-**Mario, Luigi, Yoshi

**South-**Link, Samus, Captain Falcon

**East-**Ness, Kirby, Pikachu

**West-**Jigglypuff, DK, Fox

"The journey begins tomorrow morning" K said "Which means in the next chapter"

**A/N****: I hope you liked it. Please review! I've gotten 347 hits and only 5 reviews.**


	8. Meanwhile, in the jungle

_Kafata_

_SMASH Mayhem!_

**K: ****Today's program is brought to you by the number 14, and the letter K. Oh, and remember, Nintendo made Mario, and I don't want to get sued.**

**WARNING: I will rip popular movies and books**** off. Remember the broken filter? Well, the ripping off is because of that. My lack of ideas may have helped, too…**

**CHAPTER ****8: Meanwhile, in the middle of the Jungle…**

"A-Hunting We Will Go!" Mario sang happily "A-Hunting We Will Go! _Something, Something, something, _A-Hunting weeeee will go!"

"ENCORE! AUTHOR!" Exclaimed Yoshi "I didn't know you could sing!"

"If you can call _that_ singing" exclaimed four very irritated Ks.

"What's a-wrong with some fun?" Said Link

"Nothing, except give away our position!" Yelled Ks.

"Oops"

"Is that all you can say Mario?" said Ks "We're in danger because of you and all you can say is Oops?"

"Calm down K, or is that Ks?" said Samus "Fox, whaddaya (what do you) say?"

"Definitely Ks"

"Thank you, fox. Ks we're used to mortal danger, chill!"

"What do you mean by mortal danger?" said Jigglypuff, starting to shake

"Thank you Mr. I-don't-care-about-my-partner's-health" said Ks

"First of all it's Mrs- I mean, _Miss_. Second, I didn't know" Said Samus "And third, I do care about her health. Fourth, we're not really in danger. Right Ks?"

"We _are_ in danger"

"We are not"

"Yes, we are!"

"No, we're not!"

"Yes, we are!"

"No, we're not!"

"Yes, we are!"

"No, we're not!"

"_Yes, you ar__e"_ said a slithery voice from the shadows "_In danger of being hurt by me, that isss"_

"EEEEKKK" C. Falcon screamed.

**A/N: ****What's that? Yes, I know it's a cliché, but really, I can't resist.**

"Who are you? Show yourself!" said Link, as he unsheathed his sword.

"You asked for it" said (or is it slithered?) the voice. They heard some bushes trembling, a shadow come up, size impossibly increased by the small light coming from the warm campfire… And out came, a small monkey with a long tail. He had a small red hat with a white circle in the middle of the front, and there was a red letter stamped in it.

**A/N: If you guessed the letter was M, yo****u're wrong. To those who said "D", congratulations!!!**

"Diddy?!?!?" asked DK

"_AH! Don't mention that name!" _And then his throat made a weird noise.

**A/N: To those who guessed the noise was g**_**ollum**_**, I'll only say you're wrong. What he actually said was-**

"_gullom"_

"Is it just me, or did K stoop to a new low?" said Link "I mean ripping off---"

"Yes! I knew I wasn't the only one who read _Lord of the Rings_" said Samus

"--Happy Fairy Rings!" Finished Link

"HUH?"

"_They talks too much, they does"_ Said Diddy, but to complete the ripping off, I'll call him Gullom_ "They hurts Gullom's ears, they do. Poor Poor Gullom"_

"Link's world is retarded" explained Yoshi "5 years ago, a guy called Stevan Spielburg ripped off _Lord of the _Rings and called it_ Happy Fairy Rings"_

"So you're saying Adolf Schwarze-nigger was in a boot-leg movie?" asked Link 

"It's not exactly bootleg, but yes" said Pikachu

"SILENCE!" yelled Mario at the top of his lungs "Listen if a-there's a gollum bootleg a-version, then there a-must be a bootleg version of the a-ring o power!"

"_T__hey knows about it, they knows about my precious, my beautiful precious"_ said Gullom, the sad product of a lack of ideas

"All right Diddy, spill it, what is this precious?" Said DK

"I will not tell!"

"_Albereth Jalthoniel"_

"_Gaaah, it is a__ shelven-song! Stops it, it hurts Gullom's ears!" y_elled Gullom

"Then take us to this precious"

"_Ok, the little Mobbit has it. The Banana of Power. That dirty Mobbit has my p__recious, my beautiful birthday present."_

"I should have a-known it would be a banana!" cried Luigi

"Ok, we already found Di- Gullom…"Said Ks in a hopeful tone "So, no need for four of me right?"

"Wrong" said DK "WE still need to find Dixie, and I'll bet all my banana peels she's the 'mobbit'"

At that second Mario yelled, and jumped to his right. He caught Gullom's tail, just as he was about to get away.

"Ok, Gullom" said Ness "We will let you go if you help us find the banana"

"_Gullom does not like this plan, he doesn't. What do you say, precious?"_said the schizophrenic monkey

"Well?" said Jigglypuff "Are you helping or not?"

"_Precious will help them, but he can't help all of them at the same time"_

"Not a problem" said Ks, just as a giant knife appeared

**A/N****: I didn't really run out of ideas, but since the stories would be too similar to the videogame storylines, I added a not-so-original twist to the plot. **

_Disclaimer: Story Belongs to Kafata_


End file.
